Discover tips that go beyond taking a deep breath: how to access empathy when you’re seeing red, the importance of certain body language, and redirection techniques.
No matter where you stand on the political spectrum, tensions are running high in our society right now. With uncertainty around seemingly every corner, it’s more important than ever to understand how to use the de-escalation techniques employed by professional crisis managers and first responders: From peacefully managing conflict at work to finding safety in interpersonal interactions in the grocery store parking lot, in traffic or even at political protests, these skills make a difference.
At Hanna Center, De-Escalation is our most sought-after training because, let’s face it, stressful situations can arise anywhere in our lives. For those of us who have experienced trauma, our experience often puts us immediately into survival mode even when we’re safe. As a result, it’s crucial that we learn to notice, assess, and correct our internal stress levels to accurately respond to day-to-day situations.
In any stressful moment, de-escalation requires patience, a willingness to listen, and the ability to recognize everyone’s humanity. In de-escalation training, we focus on finding ways to calm ourselves internally so that effective communication is possible—because it’s truly impossible to reason or persuade others when we’re enraged. Similarly, it’s crucial to remember that anger is often a symptom of the problem and not the problem itself. For instance, many people manifest fear, frustration, or distress as anger. To reach a resolution in those moments, the key is treating the situation rather than the symptoms.
At heart, the key to de-escalation is remaining calm and utilizing simple tips to regulate our own physiology and create calm for those around us. Together, we can ensure that our interactions are meaningful, helpful, and reduce conflict.
Read on for my tips to de-escalate in any situation.
- Stop, Think, Breathe.
In a stressful moment, our bodies’ first response is physical; from sweaty palms to racing hearts, everyone experiences the physical manifestations of stress uniquely. The first step is knowing where you hold stress, so you can learn to control and release that stress.
Though deep breathing may seem cliché, it physically regulates the nervous system allowing us to think and act more clearly during intense interactions. When faced with a conflict or escalation, remember to pause and breathe—just 15 seconds or two deep breaths can make a difference.
- Acknowledge and Validate.
Secondly, it’s important to acknowledge and validate the feelings of others engaged in the situation. This practice isn’t an agreement and does not indicate you support their stance or beliefs—it simply means acknowledging the stress in the room. Allow others to fully state their feelings, without interrupting, offering space for them to describe their feelings. Allow for silences and pauses, without interjecting, even if you disagree.
During these moments, it’s best to listen actively and look for common ground. It can help to remind yourself during no person is perfect or to recall moments when you have felt unheard, hurt, or afraid.
By creating space for expression, we simultaneously cultivate a sense of safety for others – enabling reductions in cortisol and making room for the calm needed to move forward.
- Use Your Body.
The majority of our communication is nonverbal, so using your body to physically demonstrate safety helps with de-escalation. While the other person is talking, nod to indicate you’re following along and maintain appropriate eye contact. Avoid combative postures like crossing your arms or placing hands on your hips. Roll your shoulders down your back and maintain an open posture to suggest safety.
- Take a Break.
In situations at home or at work where physical calming techniques and acknowledgements are not effective, it’s best to take a break. Since effective communication can’t occur when emotions are heightened, it’s always better to defer decision-making to a later time.
In the moment, use a phrase like, “Can we reconnect on this issue later?” or “I’d love more time to really think about this challenge,” to diffuse the situation. This phrasing simultaneously lets others know you aren’t planning to simply avoid the issue (which can nudge tensions even higher). Suggest a time in the future to revisit the issue.
These are just a few of the techniques we recommend using at Hanna Center in stressful situations large and small. If you or someone you know is interested in gaining a deeper understanding of de-escalation techniques, connect with us at hannacenter.org/contact.